GRIEF COMPONENTS: SPIES+F 2nd in Series: PHYSICAL COMPONENTS
by
Jeanne M. Harper, MPS
Today's
article is the second in a series, we discussed
SOCIAL components of grief in previous article. This article will explore
PHYSICAL components that one may endure throughout
the mourning process.
PHYSICAL
COMPONENTS:
The
most common responses were eating and sleeping disturbances. People reported either eating more or less,
sleeping more or less. Each person has
their own way of working through issues, so we find the dichotomy of more OR
less in both areas.
The
next response found grievers prone to lower resistance and therefore more
illness plus feelings of exhaustion, allergies, physical aches and pains in
their body--like tightness in their throat, heaviness in their chest, feelings
of panic (heart throbbing in chest and throat) or hyperventilation (breathing
too fast). This makes sense due to
their eating and sleeping patterns being disturbed, their bodily functions will
be also. Therefore, the most important
thing to improve physically, is eating and sleeping habits.
Some
reported, they needed to eat at a different time of the day or in a different
room of the house. If before they dined
out, they may now eat at home and visa versa.
Most report not FEELING like eating--nothing smelled, tasted or looked
good. Many stated they just did not
FEEL hungry--had an empty feeling in their stomach.
Regarding
sleeping, many stated they began taking naps in the middle of the day or at the
end of the day and then found themselves up all night. Taking a short nap [under an hour] each day
around noon seemed to help grievers get through the rest of their day. Others reported going to bed and laying awake
FOREVER OR being able to fall asleep BUT waking
three or four times per evening OR getting to sleep and
staying asleep until 3 or 4 a.m. and not being able to get back to sleep.
Numerous mourners reported having dreams of deceased, others reported
nightmares, still others reported having an experience of the loved one's
presence in their bedroom. If it was a
spouse that died, sleeping in the same bed without them can create
problems. Some mourners report sleeping
in other rooms for awhile.
Sleeping
and eating disturbances can be helped.
Studies have shown that the griever needs to refrain from alcohol,
caffeine (pop, chocolate, etc) nicotine and sugar, especially three or four
hours before bed. These substances
interfere with your REM [most important type] sleep and you can awaken
irritable, anxious, etc.
It
is very important to drink adequate water (1-2 QUARTS) per day to assist your
blood chemistry and wash the toxic waste from your body. This is important for everyone to do and
grievers even more so, due to their poor eating and sleeping habits.
Eating
foods high in protein will be most helpful at breakfast and lunch. These foods release natural energizers. It is recommended you eat your
"big" meal at noon. At the
evening meal, eat foods high in carbohydrates, as they release natural
relaxants and do not "stress" the digestive system like proteins do.
To
help you improve your sleeping, it is recommended you sleep in a
"cool" room, get daily exercise in afternoon or morning (walking,
etc. Vigorous exercise in the evening
should be avoided, as exercise is an energizer, like protein foods.
Rather
than taking sleeping pills, which can become addictive and may have other side
affects, calcium is a "natural" relaxant. Taking 500 mg calcium a half hour before bed,
a hot bath, quiet bedroom, calm time prior to bed (reading, listening to
music), warmth in bed (flannel sheets or electric blanket), drinking warm milk
(has the calcium natural relaxants), and/or journaling have been reported as helpful to other grievers.
Some
grievers report that the physical necessities of going to work or just doing
what they normally did prior to the death or loss, are exhausting. Some reported they were becoming a
"couch potato" due to tiredness, feeling overwhelmed so unable to
start anything, lack of desire to be with others couple with a desire to be
alone in their pain and misery.
While
other grievers reported they got BUSY.
At home they got BUSY cleaning garage, closets, basements, yard; scraping,
stripping, painting to redecorate room/house.
At work, they got so BUSY, they were going in early and staying there
till late. In other words, whether busy
at home or work, they were RUNNING from or AVOIDING their grief. Problem is, they reported that one to two
years later, the grief finally hit them because they couldn't think of anything
else to do to keep themselves busy plus they were "worn out" from all
the activity.
Haddon
Robbins in her book GRIEF stated that "Grief work will be done, sooner or
later, completely or incompletely, creatively or distortedly, (the reality is)
Grief work WILL BE DONE." So you
have a choice, grieve during the first year, when people are still remembering
and when "socially" it is anticipated. Or grieve ALONE, year (s) later when others
have forgotten.
This
is NOT an exhaustive list, it covers the major physical components. In the next article, we will discuss the
intellectual components of the grieving process.
Clinical Director of Tri-County Business ‘n Industry Incident Response Team
1996-1998 ADEC Workplace Loss Special Interest Group Chair
Lakeshore Professional Counseling, Inc.
447 First Street
Menominee MI 49858
800-411-8832 or 906-864-2590 Ext. 103
Fax: 906-864-3058
www.lakeshore-counseling.com
jmharper@czo.net
lakeshore@czwireless.net